Honor God in Your Relationships

Colossians 3:18 – 4:1

Before we dig into the meaning of this passage, I must say, I don’t understand the organizers of the Bible in that why Colossians 4:1 isn’t 3:25.  When the Scriptures were written, it wasn’t broken down into chapters and verses.  These were added much later for ease of reference.  However, this is one of those instances where you can see that it doesn’t always make sense.  Maybe when they did it, there was a good reason for it…and I would be interested to know why they broke up Paul’s letter right here in this way, but it isn’t as important as it is to understand what Paul is saying.  That said, let’s get into it!

I always love teaching on passages that talk about the relationship between husband and wife, because I always learn more from them, but I also like to “set the record straight,” because unfortunately, it too often gets taken out of context and weaponized.  Generally, when I teach this theme, it is out of Ephesians 5:22-23, where Paul uses slightly different language, but I believe today’s verses give us a better context!

The idea of wives submitting to their husbands always raises contention, even for wives who have husbands worth submitting to!  In many cultures around the globe, this is an easily accepted concept.  Even if it isn’t accepted, it is observed.  However, since the Women’s Liberation Movement in the 1960s, there has been a lot of “pushback” against this concept.  However, I pose a reason for the need for this movement: men weren’t doing their part, so women had to stand up for themselves!  This movement was a result of inequality, oppression, and abuse of power.  Just like any other good thing, we humans were doing it wrong and distorting God’s reality for our own benefit.  However, Paul is clear in this letter to the Colossians:

…as is fitting in the Lord.

Even in Ephesians 5:22, Paul writes:

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

The problem we generally have with this statement is that we interpret it to mean: submit to your husband as you are supposed to submit to God.  However, I suggest a different interpretation: submit to your husband as long as it honors the Lord.  It is a slight change, but a very important one!  How often are wives subjected to ungodly actions by their husbands?  What if a wife is forced to do something that dishonors God?  How can a person honor God by submitting to someone who makes them do something ungodly?  It is an oxymoron!  The two ideas conflict with each other, and therein we find a contradiction of our usual understanding of this verse.  Does being subject to abuse honor God?  Is it proper for someone to be subservient to another who treats them like a slave (we will discuss slavery in a moment)?  Is it righteous for a wife to be used as a sex object at the whim of the husband?  If it isn’t clear, the answer is “no” to all of these questions.  The concept here, as Paul continues and speaks to husbands, is that a man should be someone worth following and submitting to, just as God Himself is!

Husbands, be a man that is righteous, honorable, fair, and loving!  Here, Paul uses a word translated as embittered, warning us not to be so to our wives.  The original concept of the word he wrote in his letter describes someone who refuses reconciliation.  Yes, our wives might frustrate us from time to time, but I know from experience that we frustrate them too! (I can already hear my wife saying out loud, “Amen!”). If we look at Ephesians 5:25, we see that husbands are to sacrifice themselves just as Christ did for us.  In that way, we sanctify our wives and present them as holy to the Lord.

Paul goes on to write about our relationship with our children.  Interestingly, as I have noted in various other cultures, the majority of the world does a pretty good job of honoring parents.  However, in the supposed “developed world,” family life and, particularly, parents do not receive proper honor and respect.  Unfortunately, in North America, we have to properly define “father” and “family” when they are referenced in the bible because, for many people, these terms have become triggers of traumatic experiences.  This is why Paul is careful to also warn parents to be righteous and not provoke their children.  This doesn’t mean that you are supposed to bow down to them and do all you can to avoid their unhappiness (there are other passages about righteous upbringing).  Yet, the nuclear family is designed by God to be a symbiotic relationship that reveals God’s love!

Now, let’s talk about slavery.  Firstly, any mention of slavery in the bible is not a license to own slaves.  Folks have been unjustly conquered and enslaved since almost the beginning of time, and in the United States, this topic has such a deeply rooted negative connotation that you might be cringing right now as we talk about it.  However, this is not what Paul is talking about.  Certainly, I believe that he is also addressing those stuck in oppressive slavery, particularly because he isn’t writing to an all-Jewish community.  However, it also refers to servants, or people who are paid to serve others.  That’s right: people paid to provide a service…just like your everyday waitress, garbage collector, car salesman…and even you!  Unless you are independently wealthy, retired, or own your own company, you fit into this category.

What Paul explains in the following verses (22-25) is that although we have someone who has authority over us, we are to work and serve in a way that honors God because ultimately, He is the one we are serving!  I think it is great that he mentions not being a people pleaser, because some of us have the tendency to operate in a codependent manner, receiving identity and value from pleasing others instead of operating out of our identity in Christ.  A prince or princess does not try to please others; rather, they work to live up to the identity they have been given.  As such, we must do the same in our everyday work.  Be careful not to twist my words, because we are all princes and princesses of the King of Kings; as such, everything we do should represent Him well.  So, whether you are a busboy or CEO, honor and represent the Big Boss to the best of your ability.  

To close this section, Paul adds one final note: if you have authority over someone, rule fairly.  Too often, people in positions of authority use their position to “lord it over others.”  However, there is only one Lord, who rules over all.  Therefore, we must be fair and righteous, representing God well with the responsibility that He has given us, in order that He would receive the glory (not us).